By Anais Nin
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Additional resources for Children of the Albatross (Vol II of her "continuous novel")
She had to stop dancing. She came gently towards him, thinking: “He wants me all to himself,” and she was happy to yield to him. He was only a little taller than she was, but he held himself very erect and commanding. On the way home he was silent. The design of her mouth had vanished again, his journey towards her mouth had ceased the moment it came so near in reality to his own. It was as if he dared to experience a possibility of communion only while the obstacle to it was insurmountable, but as the obstacle was removed and she walked clinging to his arm, then he could only commune with her eyes, and the distance was again reinstated.
He does not know, he cannot say, but it is not a simple world. It expands beyond his grasp, he senses more than he knows, a bigger world which frightens him. He cannot confide or give himself. He must have beyes o often harshly condemned. Waves of tenderness flowed out to him from her eyes as they sat without talking. The cloud vanished from his face. It was as if he sensed what she was thinking. Just as he was leaving Lawrence arrived breathlessly, embraced Djuna effusively, pranced into the studio and turned on the radio.
In winning his favor, one struck indirect blows at her authority, and achieved a subtle revenge for her severity. The girls thought of him as possessing an even greater power than hers, for she who submitted to no one, had often been seen bowing her head before his reproaches. The one he chose felt endowed immediately with greater beauty, greater charm and power than the other girls. He was appointed the arbiter, the connoisseur, the bestower of decorations. To be chosen by the Watchman was to enter the realm of protection.
Children of the Albatross (Vol II of her "continuous novel") by Anais Nin